I noticed a lot of things been going on these past few months. Well, not to me, but to others. Me.. same old same old.. nothing new, just the same.

There are times when I have a lot of free time, but I just couldnt think of anything to write. Maybe I have turned into a dull person, where I couldnt get to think of anything interesting to tell.

I love it when someone think that I'm intelligent. I used to get that a lot last time, but now, I think there arent many people around me who think I'm smart. Maybe I'm not anymore, or maybe because of my job. I have a stupid job.

A few nights ago, I got scolded by some dumbass Singaporean helpdesk who thinks she is too smart to deal with a Malaysian. I've got an alarm coming in from an Astro server in Cyberjaya and we need to engage the onsite engineer to check on that server. First time I called that girl shouted at me because the reference number that I gave her doesnt tally with their Astro reference number. I told her that I have logged cases with them many times before this, and I have never encountered any problems. And so she demanded for a proof from me. She urged me to provide her the previous cases reference number that I have logged before. Then she hung up on me and asked me to call her back. So I patiently digged out 5 numbers from our database and call her again. The moment I got through to her, she was suddenly very nice to me and straight away gave me the new case id that she logged for me. WTF? Maybe she suddenly realized that she had made a mistake, but since my temper has already hit its boiling point, I gave her a piece of my mind. Hahaha.. padan muka.. puas hati aku.

And so the next day I received a call from HP Resolution Centre and the guy was asking me about the problem that I had while logging the call last night. Most probably the call was recorded, I'm not too sure but that guy was very pleasant and promised to help me finding the correct information so as to avoid such problems in the future. I was thinking to myself, sure that girl dah kena dengan superior dia. Hehehe...

Kesimpulannya di sini, dont mess with me people. Hahaa.. kidding. I'm a nice girl la.. just dont push me around.. i bet sure ada orang tengah cebik bibir sambil baca ni.. maybe cebik in amusement, and maybe ada jugak cebik in disgust. And sure dlm hati ada terpikir camni... "You claim yourself a nice girl, witch? Try to see yourself in the mirror first la..." I know.. mesti adanya.. heh..

anyway.. this is fix you, by coldplay.. the song i listen to nowadays.. this song makes me feel good about making certain decision in my life, at least I'm brave enough to take risk, taking chance to make a difference in my life, bukan setakat cakap jer tapi tak berani nak buat pape. This proves that I'm not just all talk.. I do things to make my life better!

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
when you're too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

I'm dull. All my entries are craps. Please do not proceed to read if you are distressed.

I kept thinking about my only niece back at home. How can I miss someone I barely know that much? Have I changed? I used to hate kids. Maybe it's the bond. After all, she is my niece. I noticed that I'm fond to other kids as well, like my friends' lil boy. Ah well.. My journey has not come to that part yet.. so why bother much, eh?

The other day, I was asked whether I am ready to be married. How do you know that for sure? And do we have to stop having fun to signify that we are ready to get seriously involved, till death do us part? The truth is, I'm not a fun person. I want to be fun, but I just dont mix with the right crowd. So, is it wrong if I have the intention to have fun, although I still havent done it? Salah ek? And why cant married couple go out and have fun? You can do it together, you can watch each other out. Does being married means the wife have to stay at home and wait for the husband to come back, do most of the house chores and etc? I'm bothered, but mind you, I'm also obedient.

If you dont want people to pity you, why do you give them a reason to be? Like if you dont want people to pity you when you got a cut in your leg, why do you go and tell them that you have a cut in the first place? Whether we realized it or not, sometimes we want to be pitied, we want to convince other people and ourself that whatever it is that happen is not due to our fault. However perfect we think we are, we are just a normal human being who cant run away from making mistakes, so please stop blaming other people for the wrong things that is/was in our life. Take some responsibility. There are things worth to be remembered, and not to be there in our present life. Make the sweet memories as something to be smiled at as we grow older, and take the bad ones as a lesson for us to improve ourselves. I know it's easier to be said than done, but what's the point of mulling over something that is over?

I guess, what I wanna say is, we shape our own life, our own future. Whatever it is that we have and we dont have in our life, it's all because we make it that way, and because He wanted it to be that way.

The Clown

I met a good friend yesterday. He was so busy nowadays that he barely has enough time to juggle between his sweetheart and his friends, not forgetting his family. But then, yesterday tetiba he called and wanted to meet me.

He just bought a new car, a Honda Integra and also a new condo down in USJ1. He didnt change much, still the old him, just maybe a shorter haircut. I've never seen him with that short of a haircut, but then, pape pun, you're still ensem la my pren. We went to McD in Mutiara Damansara, chit chat for one hour or so, then he rushed to pick up his girlfriend in Sunway. We're supposed to meet earlier, but then he went to Subang Airport first from his home at Shah Alam to sign some documents.

Well, I've got a chance to glimpse through his new job, which I think is way too cool compared to mine. Not only that, his pay is also triple my pay (inclusive of allowances). He also shared about the 'temptation' in his job. One of them is getting phone calls in the middle of the night from colleagues (horny colleagues?!!) whenever he is out of town. But, I know you are tough my fren. Sure bole tahan dengan segala dugaan like that. Just remember that your faithful girlfren is waiting for you. Ehehehe...

Anyway, we talked about everything that came to mind at that time. Most of them are only nonsense stuff, but I'm glad to know that you're behind me, ma pren.

Okla.. nak get ready.. Malam ni nak tengok Cinderella Man.. yeah!! Chow ..

Can all your friends be trusted? Can you trust your friends to be faithful to you? Sometimes some people pretended to be close to you because there is something to be gained.

Fame?... Maybe
Boys?.. yes, perhaps...

They let you confided in them, and you bared your soul out to them, only to be betrayed later. Maybe their purpose is perhaps to be a friend, to be a middle person, to look out for another friend.

I know you doesnt treat me as your good friend.
I know you doesnt agree with my decision.

and You! Of all people, You should know better!
You know what she did to me in the past..
and I know there are times when You hate her guts...
I just couldnt understand why..

I know You hate me now.
but then, there are TWO side of every stories..
nobody knows it better than the one who had to go through them..

Who are you to judge whether I made a good decision or not.
Did you live in my shoes all these years?
Did you know what I've been through?
Is it wrong for me to think for my own sake for once?
Is it wrong for me to be selfish if I can find happiness in the end?

and yes... You can see all you want where THIS may end, for I couldnt care less if You give a s**t or not!

and one more thing.. do You think You'll become a better person if this whole thing didnt happen?


~ How do you love someone if you never needed him/her in everything you do in your life? ~

People said that curiousity kills the cat.

Now my curiousity is killing me.

Why do I have to entertain this 'bring-no-good' feeling?

I regret.

I'm guilty.

I'm sad.

If only I can be a cat.
With nine lives, I can make mistakes, die, make mistakes another 7 times and make sure everything is perfect by my ninth life. How's that?

Is it possible for you to feel lonely, just when you thought you have everything you ever wanted?

Does that means that there is still something missing?


~ If tomorrow never comes, would he know how much I love him?~

Look around you, and tell me one person who did not change after they got married. Are there anyone out there who can still be the same person as he/she is before they tie the knot. Are there any? Ok, let's consider single people who are in a serious relationships as well. Are there?

Relationship demands a lot from people. At least that's what I feel. I know my friends feel the same way too, whether they tell me or not, but I know, along the way, they must have faced a lot of hardships just to be with the other person.

Why cant people just accept his/her partner just like the way they did when they fall in love with her/him? Why must after that they expect the other to be the person he/she is not?

I know that sometimes change can be good. And surely there is a way we can do that without causing so much strife between the two. But why resort to a way that will hurt the both of you in the end?

Even though I tell myself everyday that I dont wanna change him, but sometimes I do things that demands him to change. Most of the time it's done unintentionally. And the same goes to him. So I guess whether we want it or not, no matter how we swear not to do it, all of us who are in a relationship will try to change the other to suit our needs.

I have learned that the best way to tackle a problem is to do it smartly. E.g use reverse psychology. Make him think about 'what if?'. What if he is in my shoes? How does he take it? How does he deals with it? This always work. But sometimes when I'm in my rebellious mood, I also resort to being angry and intolerable, making big fuss over unnecessary things and whining about small stuff. And of course this way will only make he ignore me or worse, he will make me angrier. And in the end, I am the one who have to be sensible and put some sense into both of our heads, because man's ego is a thing I never found a way to conquer yet.