The Jacket

I cant remember the last movie I watched that left me transfixed to my seat even when the movie has finished. The Jacket did exactly that to me. Or it could also be the fact that I was very tired after the trip to Terengganu that I just want to stay at my seat. I was a bit groggy after I got up actually, that I cant walk straight without holding on to Devil's hand.

The movie is about a guy that is accused of murder and got sent to mental asylum. Psycho psychiatrist at that hospital put on this special jacket(the one they always put on dangerous criminals) on him and put him in a drawer just like where we put dead bodies in the hospital. His reason being that the guy might be able to remember things that he cant remember under normal conditions. The thing is besides remembering all those horrible events that occured to him in the past, he's also able to travel to the future and learn about important events that lead to his death. He was trying to get back to that drawer to try to learn and change whatever it is so that he wont die. I'm not gonna tell you the whole story but it's a nice movie with excellent casts. I recommend you guys go watch it.

This movie actually got me thinking that my life could be very different now even if I change a small thing in the past.

It really made me think about the choices I have made in my life...
What if I never go to Seri Puteri?
What if I applied for that direct program to UK?
What if I followed what my mom wanted and studied mdecine?
What if I accepted Telekom Scholarship to do A-Level?
What if I accepted Telekom scholarship to study in MMU?
What if I never tell Devil that I like him?

Would my life be different now?
Would I be a different person now?

Now I'm facing with the hardest choice that I ever have to make in my life. What should be my priority? As I said in my last entry, my goal in life now is to be happy. Should I think about the past, present, or the future? Should I cherish the past and hold it dear to me? Should I think about being happy for now and bear the consequences that might come later on? Or should I be thinking about what will be good for my future and wait for whatever it is to come?

Sayang, are you going to be around forever as you promised?

Baby,
I cant live with you
but
I cant live without you either.

**********************
Ceh. Jiwang karat.
But, seriously people,
Cherish the love that you have.
Dont just sit there and let it fades away.
Dont just expect the other person to do everything.
If you think that things are not going on as smoothly,
remember the promise that you've made to each other before.
To go through thick and thin together.

Amacam? Ada gaya counselor daks? Ahaha... My life is also tunggang langgang wanna give advice some more ek? (I know some people are thinking exactly that at the back of their head while reading this huh?) Eheheh... nevermind. I'm speaking through experience. hahaha...

Actually I've got nothing to say. So many things happen that I dunno how to put all of them into words. I guess I'm not ready to open up yet.

Shaharil, if you read this, please ym/call me. Mak dah rindu sangat nak dengar celoteh ko. Busy sangat ke sekarang? Aku banyak cerita sensasi ni. Turunla KL. Bolela kita berdangdut plak ke. Ahahaha. Ko layan dangdut ke aa?

Till then.. daaa

What's your goal in life?

Do you want to be rich?
Do you want to be happy?
Do you want to be loved?
Do you want to be famous?
Do you want to have fun all the way till the end?
or
Do you want to follow that road that will lead you to eternal happiness promised by our God?

You definitely cant grab all those things in your hands.

And, would you do anything to get what you want?

For a girl, does marriage signifies that you have achieved something important in your life? Is being married make your life complete? How do one tell? Are you making the right choice in life when you get maried? What if one day, you woke up and you realized that marriage is not what you want?

People told me that we should go through life as it is and try to make the best of it. Think through when you want to do something. Make sure you are making a right decision.

What if I dont want to do all that? What if I want to go against the flow and do something against the norm, do something that people will not approve of. What if I want to be careless, do things without thinking. What if I want to do all that? I'm tired of following orders. Orders from people who doesnt know what I really want. I'm 26 years old and I havent done everything that I wanted to do. I stopped myself because people around me keep telling me that it's not good, or it's not right. I've made my decision. I'm putting my foot down. This is the life that I wanted. So, you know what you've got to do people. Back Off!

So, for now, my goal in life is to be happy. I just want to do what I feel like doing. I dont care what you think. Sometimes a girl has got to be selfish and stop thinking about other people too much!

Will I Get What I Want If I Dont Get Enough Sleep and Food?

Something is very wrong with me. I cant sleep as soundly as I used to, and I eat less nowadays. Macam this one pepatah melayu, 'Makan tak kenyang, tidur tak lena'. Today I slept for 1 hour after I get back from night shift. I woke up, tried to sleep again with no success. I only managed to catch another hour of sleep before I went off for work again.

Now I can barely open my eyes.

If I'm not working, I cant stay in bed until noon like I used to. Once my sister woke up, I wont be able to sleep anymore. She is a morning person, always singing loudly while getting ready for work. So everyday her loud, out of tune voice will rouse me from my not so deep slumber.

Everyday, I only eat dinner, or lunch, or breakfast. It's like my stomach is always full. Even if I'm hungry, I wont be able finish a plate of rice. Last Monday, I only had one zinger burger for one whole day.

And now, as usual, if I do night shift, my nose is bleeding.

My sisters came up with various nonsense theories. Kimah said I'm angau (huh?), or someone pegi jumpa bomoh kenakan I. And Donne said I'm like this because I'm supposed to be married right now. What a nonsense!

Whatever it is, I hope it wont affect my health and hopefully, with the decrease of food intake these past few weeks, I will lose some weight. Actually, I think I did. Because some of my pants are a bit loose. Yay!

Mr Devil, for your info, I've started to do sit up again, after abandoning it for quite some time. Save up baby, cause it wont be long till the day when you have to part with your cash, or credit for that matter! >:) (Evil grin)

Love Story

My colleague sent me this beuatiful story. It almost made me cry. But I'm not sure if this is a true story. Can you really find a guy who can love his wife this deep? Either you are a guy or a girl, you should read it. I'm sure it will move you as well. Enjoy, and prepare those tissues girls!

Each year he sent her roses, and the note would always say,
I love you even more this year, than last year on this day.
My love for you will always grow, with every passing year."

She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear.
She thought, he ordered roses in advance before this day.
Her loving husband did not know, that he would pass away.

He always liked to do things early, way before the time.
Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine.

She trimmed the stems and placed them in a very special vase.
Then, sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face.

She would sit for hours, In her husband's favorite chair.
While staring at his picture,and the roses sitting there.

A year went by, and it was to live without her mate.
With loneliness and solitude, that had become her fate.

Then, the very hour,
The doorbell rang, and there were roses sitting by her door.

She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them in shock.
Then, went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop.

The owner answered, and she asked him, if he would explain,
Why would someone would do this to her, causing her such pain?

"I know your husband passed away, more than a year ago,"
The owner said,
"I knew you'd call, and you would want to know.
The flowers you received today, were paid for in advance.
Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance.
There is a standing order, that I have on file down here,
And he has paid, well in advance, you'll get them every year.

There also is another thing, that I think you should know,
He wrote a special little card...he did this years ago.
Then, should ever I find out that he's no longer here, that's the card that should be sent to you the following year."

She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard.
Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card.

Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note.
Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote...

"Hello my love, I know it's been a year since I've been gone.
I hope it hasn't been too hard for you to overcome.
I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real.

Or if it was the other way,
I know how I would feel.
The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life.
I loved you more than words can say, you were the perfect wife.
You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need.
I know it's only been a year, but please try not to grieve.

I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears.
That is why the roses will be sent to you for years.
When you get these roses, think of all the happiness that we had together, and how both of us were blessed.
I have always loved you and
I know I always will.
But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still.

Please...try to find happiness, while living out your days.
I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways.

The roses will come every year, and they will only stop,
When your door's not answered, when the florist stops to knock.
He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out.
But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt!
To take the roses to the place, where I've instructed him and place the roses where we are, together once again.

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;
Someone who changes your life just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it.

Gone...

To all heartbreakers out there... This is for you!

What you see's not what you get
With you there's just no measurement
No way to tell what's real from what isn't there

Your eyes they sparkle
That's all changed into lies... that drop like acid rain
You washed away the best of me
You dont care!

You know you did it I'm gone
To find someone to live for in this world
There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
Just a bridge that I gotta burn
You're wrong if you think you can walk right through my door
That is just so you
Coming back when I finally moved on.. I'm already gone

Sometimes shattered, never open
Nothing matters, when you're broken
That was me whenever I was with you
Always ending, always over,
Back and forth, up and down like a rollercoaster
I'm breaking that habit today!

There is nothing you can say
Sorry doesnt cut it, babe
Take the hint and walk away.. cause I'm gone
Doesnt matter what you do
It's what you did that's hurting you
All I needed was the truth
Now I'm gone