That Was Yesterday...

A hundred days had made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder and I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separated
They disappeared now when I’m dreaming of your face

I’m here without you baby but you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it’s only you and me

The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello
I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go

I’m here without you baby but you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight girl it’s only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it’s all said and done
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love

I was humming along quietly to this song in my office just now when all of a sudden, tears strolled down my cheek. Banyak plak tu. What's wrong with me? Why did I get so emotional? I have never cried in office. But lucky no one saw me crying. Was that a cry? It was an unintentional cry, a very short one, but with a reason that I kept thinking for a long time now.

I used to believe in love. I used to believe that love can make people be a good person, that love makes you want to become a better person. I used to believe that love makes you become unselfish, that whatever you do, you think about the other person. I used to believe that love can soften your heart, that when your other half makes mistake, you can just forgive and not sulking all day long just to show that you are mad. I know to forget is something else, but I used to believe that love can make you forgive easily. And I really used to believe that revenge doesnt exist in love! Boy, was I wrong. And the other half? Are you sure you want to call that person as your other half? Or soulmate?

I'm sure I may come across as Miss Skeptismo but I believe that two people must work REALLY hard to keep a relationship goes a long way. I have 7 years experience ok? I think I'm entitled to talk about this.

I believe that people wont change their habit just because they fall in love with you. They can be a different person for a year, then they will go back to their usual self after that. I believe that in love, you have to accept everything about that person, and not trying to change them into someone else, that including accepting their bad annoying habit. I believe that the thing that we called love is just an infatuation at first, and having each other around is so comfortable that we are afraid to let it go, to move out of that comfort zone. So you stayed on until you grow old, have a few kids, and then only you realized that you dont need that other person in your life, and decided to move on without him/her. That's why so many people get divorced nowadays. They confused infatuation with something else called love. I wonder if it ever existed. I dont question about love between parents and their children, I know that kind of love can be felt anywhere. This is about love between a man and a woman, lovers.

Sometimes I'd get really emotional when I hear love songs on the air. Phrases like 'I'd die for you', 'I'd do anything for you', and such really turned me off. Hey who would want to die for you? Who would do anything for you? No one would! Maybe there are, in fantasy land!

This entry is not because today is Valentine's Day. It's not because I was frustrated for not celebrating Valentine, in fact I never celebrated it. It was something I have felt for too long now, and never having a chance to let it out. I am writing this now because finally I can put this into some fathomable words.

And the cry was because I was crushed for being lied to about love. And because I long to feel how is it to be in love once again.

P/S: I'm thinking clearly and I'm not having a fight with Devil. Me and Devil have come to a conclusion that we must work very hard to keep our strong relationship from being struck by any evil force or natural disasters.

In the Mood for More Roses/Lilies

Valentine's Day is around the corner. Everyone is talking about it. Almost all the blogs that I visited mentioned about it. Most of the programmes on television for this month are also Valentine's related. My friends are asking me where will I be going this coming Feb 14th. Nowhere. I'll be working. But you work night shift, you can go out during the day with Devil (one of my colleague saw Devil's name appear on my phone the other day and started calling him Devil eversince). No. I dont celebrate Valentine. Why? Devil tak nak??

Being in a relationship with the same person for almost 7 years, I have never celebrated Valentine. We dont even go out on that day. Sometimes I wish I could join in the excitement with others who do celebrate. But Devil said we Muslims are not supposed to celebrate, because Valentine's Day is something to do with the death of St. Valentine, a Christian priest (if I'm not mistaken la.. malas nak search). Sebenarnya Devil malas nak keluar, dia selalu macam tu, tak pun dia nak save duit :P. Actually this is among others, one of the good quality that Devil has. I can see that he dont mind spending money on me for things that he considered practical. Like beli plate number harga beratus-ratus (practical ke ni?), or add some of his money when I wanted to save and buy cheaper handphone. But things that dont last long, like flowers, setahun sekali pun susah nak dapat. Last year, takde. The year before that, takde. The year before last year, pun takde. The last time I received flowers from him was in 2001, his friend went to Cameron Highland and he ordered a nice bouquet of white roses for me.

But I do know that deep down inside, he loves me. Although sometimes it's hard for him to express out his love for me, I do know that he loves me, and wanted the best for me. Jiwang la pulak kan.

Anyway, I dont really mind if I wont be doing anything this Monday. I can just stay home and sleep, since I'll be working the night before that. It's just that when you see all your friends are going out and having fun on that day, you cant help it and wanted the same thing. But as Devil said, why wait for that day to celebrate our love when we can do it everyday? Can we? Can we do it tonight? Ha ha just joking.

P/s: Devil knows that I call him that. This is a joke between us. He called me Succubus.

This Too Shall Pass

I found this excerpt from NST. I think it is interesting and I would like to share it with you guys.

King Solomon, one day, in an attempt to humble his most trusted minister, said: "There is a certain ring that I want you to bring to me. I give you six months to find it.

"If it exists anywhere on earth, your majesty I will find it," replied the minister. "But what makes the ring so special?"

"It has magical powers," answered the king. "If a happy man looks at it, he becomes sad, and if a sad man looks at it, he becomes happy."

Solomon knew that no such ring existed in the world, but he wished to give his minister a little taste of humility.

Spring passed and then summer, and still the minister had no idea where he could find the ring. On the night before his deadline, he was walking in one of the poorest quarters of Jerusalem when he passed by a merchant with his wares on a shabby carpet.

"Have you by any chance heard of a magic ring that makes the happy wearer forget his joy and the broken-hearted wearer forget his sorrows?" asked the minister.

He watched the old merchant take a plain gold ring from his carpet and engrave something on it. When the minister read the words on the ring, he smiled.

That night, Solomon asked the minister: "Well, my friend. Have you found what I sent you after?"

All the ministers laughed and Solomon himself smiled.

To everyone's surprise, the minister held up a small gold ring and declared, "Here it is, your majesty!"

As soon as Solomon read the inscription, the smile vanished from his face. The jeweller had written four words: "This too shall pass."

At that moment, Solomon realised that all his wisdom and fabulous wealth and tremendous power were but fleeting things, for one day he would be nothing but dust. He became sad.

But for people facing problems, that same message becomes their beacon of hope.

Remember this story, either you are fleeting in the sky or facing hardship in life, that all great things will come to an end and that every clouds has its own silver lining.

To Follow Or To Resist?

A few days ago one of my Chinese colleague was showing me the article about Jeslina Hashim being harrassed by a JAWI officer in one of the club raids in KL. Then she asked me whether a Muslim can visit clubs. Well I dont know what to say. Can Muslims patronize night clubs?

Our Youth and Sports Minister says there is no law preventing youths from frequenting clubs and pubs, and by doing so we are going to segregate Muslims from non-Muslims. And Islam says men and women are not allowed to mingle freely if they are not muhrim to each other,and of course Muslims are prohibited from consuming alcohol.

So why people go to clubs? To release stress after a hard day at work? To check out girls/guys? To socialize, and if you do so at clubs you would appear more hips? To have fun? To dance? Or just simply to get drunk?

I believe it is not my position here to judge, to say what is wrong and what is right. I guess everyone knows what can and cannot be done, maybe just too stubborn or ignorant to admit it.

So if you are asked whether Muslim can patronize clubs or not, what would you answer? If your answer is no, then why the law is not prohibiting it, and if your answer is yes, cant you hear your conscience whispering to you the opposite thing?

My answer was, "Well... if you really follow Islam, then you cannot go laa..." Is that a good answer? I was contemplating for quite sometime before answering her, for I was afraid of the next question. Even Minister in the Prime Minister Department in charged of Islamic Affair was declined to comment whether or not Muslims can patronize night clubs. But then I guess by giving honest answer I can get myself out of whatever trap question she's trying to give me next.

In the end, everything lies in the hand of each and everyone of us. We decide on what should and should not be done. It is us who will determine how other people may look at us and the way we uphold our religion.

Living in multi racial country like us, I can see that our government is more determined in not doing anything that can differentiate the races. What I dont really get is the action of certain NGO like Sisters in Islam, filing complaints about things that are obvious are not of the way of Islam. I suggest they drop Islam from their name, or make it Sisters-against-Islam. They agree that criminal matters should be dealt by police and morale issues should be dealt by the individual and their family. So what if the family of that individual himself doesnt have a good morality? Can we have a better community if there is no JAWI,JAIS etc around?